Open Letter

Hello everyone, I am writing because there seems to be quite the backlash from my mass messaging about our wedding blog. I would like it to be known that it was not targeted at anyone in particular, face book only allows you to send a message to 20 people at a time and some family members tend to fall one after the other in my face book contact list. The content of the message, was automatically populated based off of the latest post on the blog, it was not a message targeted at the people we love who may be "conservatives". It is no surprise, that Philip and I are politically liberal, we believe that Same-Sex Marriage should be legal, and that it is within our constitutional rights as Americans. We financially support organizations that help fight for those rights, we are political people. That said, we did not intend to ostracize those who may disagree, we respect the variety of opinions; which is why we choose to remain in relationship with people who are different from us, we value diversity of ideology and try to remain open to dialogue. 

As our wedding approaches these differences become more clear, and many questions are raised about how far one takes their support of us as a couple when they politically or religiously oppose our union. Frankly, we want to be surrounded by people on that day that love us, and will choose to help hold us accountable to remain in relationship whatever may come; who want to celebrate with us. We take no offense to those who choose not to come, and will be inviting based on relationship, not on political stance or faith. 

in peace, Paul and Philip

caterers getting my goose

I have a beef with caterers. 

When I am teaching selling at work I always talk about two key things, 1) selling from the top price point down, start with the best and then tailor down to the persons budget or need. And 2) Never ask anyone their budget, when you ask a potential client to articulate their limit from the get go you make them think about how much they ARENT going to spend, how much they can spend and instantly limit the options. 

The caterers are really getting me worked up to a boil! when from the beginning they want my limit. Why don't you just ask me what I want- what my creme de la creme ideal is? If your bid is too savory and expensive, we can trim the fat. When I tell you I want to spend 75/person, you just missed your chance to sell me a gorgeous perfect dinner that might have cost 82/person...

That said I can't wait to narrow it down and go tasting! If anyone knows any nice gay caterers I would appreciate their contact info. I'm starting to boil over the fact that all these people that might vote against legalizing gay marriage will happily take our gay marriage money. 

tying the "not"

Here are the top ten things, we will NOT be doing at our Not Wedding, Wedding...

1. We will NOT have a bachelorette party.

2. We will NOT have a cake cutting.

3. We will NOT have a money dance. (though money will be accepted happily)

4. We will NOT dance. Unless Lars wants to, and Britney performs live. 

5. We will NOT wear boutonnieres.

6. We will NOT have family portraits with everyone in awkward lines.

7. We will NOT have those little creamy mints.

8. We will NOT have tulle.

9. No one will sing "From this Moment"

10. We will NOT use any tulle...

I'm tired of calling it a Not Wedding...i just say that to make conservatives more comfortable. Everyone else calls it a wedding, caterers, florists, and party planning people...i keep saying "oh, its not a wedding" or "i use the term "wedding" loosely"...My clever responses are getting to hard to manage...it's a wedding. And because it is a wedding i have decided to post a photo of our table layout.....drum roll. 

to cake or not to cake..that is the question

We are completely stuck about whether or not to have a "wedding" cake. On the one hand, we feel like we might be missing out on great cake-in-face photos but on the other, isn't the cake hype a little too wedding-ish (aka. for the bride). 

Paul suggested that we get a fruit cake, and mock the tradition. If more people liked fruit cake I would totally spring for it. Initially cake was on the "not" list, especially after i found gay cake toppers online for $ 400.00! Although, there is something charming and likable about those two little grooms perched up there...

according to www.cakechannel.com, the wedding cake history is as follows, 

'Certainly the Romans were not in the habit of baking elaborate or elegant wedding cakes with buttercream icing and custom wedding-cake toppers. Usually they used loaves of wheat bread. The loaf of bread was broken over the heads of the newlyweds to bring them luck and prosperity. Sometimes it was broken only over the bride’s head, usually by the groom.

The crumbs of wedding cake, that landed on the floor symbolized good luck and fertility for the bride and groom, and it was considered good luck for guests to eat the crumbs of "wedding cake". Single women scrambled for the grains to ensure their own betrothals.'

Paul will flip about this, because wheat bread is his favorite, and it has way less calories than wedding cake. i hope everyone is willing to eat our fertility crumbs off the sand...the website also mentions a change in tradition in the middle ages i was especially fond of. Apparently all the guest brought their own mini-cake, and they were stacked on top of each other. The bride and groom then had to try and kiss over the stack of mini-cakes.

with all that rich tradition, how will i ever sleep at night it we decide not to have one....

VENUE BOOKED!

So...the whole reason 'welding' talk began was because we visited Cave B Inn and Winery and totally fell in love. The people there were so welcoming to us, and happy to host our ceremony. However, upon visiting we discovered that there was not an appropriate room. They had a huge room, two small conference style rooms and a restaurant that didn't meet our aesthetic requirements...after much deliberation and a brief Groomzilla moment, we decided that we would have to compromise too much of our vision to have it there. If you get a chance to visit, its GORGEOUS, and the restaurant superb.

It's important for us to find a space, that met both of our very different tastes;   his more rustic and mine more modern.We knew we wanted to have over sized tables that seat 20-25, so the space has to be big. W

e also didn't want people to have to travel after the vows to dinner, and plan to serve wine before the vows so travel was not an option. 

How lucky we were to find the Sunday of Columbus day weekend open (no Saturdays until December :0()  at the Bathhouse at Golden Gardens in Ballard. Plus, how clever to have a gay wedding at a bathhouse...and it's right on the ocean. 

why a blog..

As we started the process of planning our ceremony, i was underwhelmed with resources online or otherwise for same-sex unions; we had no idea where to start. Obviously there is something liberating about not having any format to follow, but still where do you draw the line when choosing what wedding traditions are meaningful and which are too straight? we want our guests to understand the significance of our day, without looking like we are trying to have a wedding. 

The idea of blogging started because as I talked to people they kept saying, "are you having a cake?" "are you walking down an aisle?" etc. We as a couple tend to sneer at the majority of cheesy 'bride' stuff. No bride=no bride stuff. I thought, maybe there are ideas out there from real people who have done this...hopefully there are, because we need the help!

I found a great website www.weddingpaperdivas.com, were we can customize the text on our invites, but we were lost as to wording. We are paying for everything so we do not have to credit our parents. I ended up consulting Martha Stewart wedding magazine for formal verbage and found something that may work.